"Merit and Excellence require language choices that are interesting and engaging for the reader." NZQA
Example 1: Boring Writing Style: My report is about 4 texts. The texts are Turangawaewae by Peter Burger and New Boy by Steph Green and Four Cars One Night by Taika Waiti. My own choice of text is Avatar by James Cameron. I will write about the theme of isolation and about the characteristic of courage.
Example 2: Improved Writing Style: Theodore Roosevelt once said "Courage is ... going on when you don't have the strength." It takes courage to break out of a situation where you suffer from isolation. Both Taika Waiti and Steph Green show this through the eyes of teenage boys in the short films 2 Cars 1 Night and New Boy, whereas Peter Burger uses an old man called Tiari to make the same point in Turangawaewae. James Cameron shows that isolation can affect everyone even though the protagonist lives on the fictional planet of Pandora and has lost his identity by living through an Avatar.
What changed from example 2 to example 2? * Removes the words "I" and "My" * Adds the word "suffer" - using an emotional word like this engages the reader more intensely in your ideas. * Adds a perspective by linking together the characters of Romeo from 2 Cars 1 Night and Joseph from New Boy. * Uses the word 'protagonist' when referring to the central character. * Shows detailed knowledge of the texts by using characters names and specific detail from their own choice of text. * Integrates the film title into the flow of the text.
ACTIVITY Read through the examples above and rewrite your own introduction using some of the techniques listed above.